Do you get up every day wondering what kind of disagreements you’re going to fall into with your aging parent today? If each day seems fraught with conversations that leave you feeling frustrated, perhaps it is time to try something new! Help both of you break out of the rut you are stuck in with these expert communication tips for navigating sensitive conversations with aging loved ones.
- Bring in trusted voices: If the topic is particularly sensitive, consider involving someone your parent respects, like a physician, pastor, or trusted family friend. Hearing advice from someone other than you can sometimes ensure it is easier to allow them to process and accept.
- Find the right moment: Timing matters. Rather than springing a sensitive topic on them during a busy or stressful moment, choose a time when you both are calm and unhurried. A quiet afternoon over coffee or a relaxed evening can set the tone for a more constructive discussion.
- Concentrate on their goals: Your parent might resist your suggestions if they feel like they’re losing control over their life. Rather than framing the conversation around what you think is the best, focus on what is important to them. For example, if they love their garden but find it difficult to keep it up, you could say, “I know how much you love gardening. Let’s find a way to keep it manageable so you can keep doing what you love.”
- Use positive reinforcement: Even the smallest triumphs are worth celebrating. If they agree to try a new safety device or accept help for the first time, acknowledge their openness and thank them. Positive reinforcement can encourage more flexibility later on.
- Use “we” rather than “you”: Statements that begin with “You need to…” or “You should…” can feel accusatory, even if your intentions are good. Instead, use inclusive language that emphasizes teamwork. Saying, “We can figure this out together,” or “Let’s find a way to make things easier for both of us,” can make the conversation feel less like an attack and more like a partnership.
- Be ready to listen: Sometimes, what feels like stubbornness is really a plea to be heard. Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s been worrying you most lately?” or “How do you feel about this idea?” Then, really listen to their answers. Giving them space to express their thoughts and fears can make them more open to hearing yours.
- Stay calm, even when it’s hard: Discussions can quickly escalate if frustration bubbles over. If your parent becomes defensive or angry, resist the urge to match their tone. Stay calm and patient, even if it means stopping and revisiting the conversation later. Your steady demeanor can help de-escalate tension and keep the discussion productive.
- Offer options: None of us likes feeling forced into a decision. Whenever feasible, present options rather than ultimatums. For example, rather than saying, “You really need to get help around the house,” try, “Would you prefer someone to come a few hours a week or just for certain chores?” This approach gives them a feeling of control while still addressing the problem.
- Focus on empathy: Before diving into the “what” of the disagreement, make an effort to understand the “why” behind it. Are they feeling overwhelmed, embarrassed, or scared? For example, declining physical abilities or needing help can feel like a loss of independence. Beginning with empathy (“I’m sure this must feel frustrating for you”) can soften their defenses and show you’re on their side, not against them.
How Home Health Care Can Help
A caregiver from Superior Senior Home Care quickly becomes a reliable companion for an older adult. This enables you to step back from caregiving obligations and get back to enjoying quality time with your parent. We’re very happy to serve seniors throughout Santa Ynez, Lompoc, Nipomo, and Santa Barbara and SLO Counties. Contact us at 805-737-4357 for a complimentary in-home consultation, any time.